My New Identity

Well, Jordans new blog has spurred me into reviving mine. Well.... maybe its not a revival since my posts have been sporadic anyways, maybe it's just more of the same. I've had this new realization lately. I'm weak. Weak minded, weak willed, whatever you want to call it. One thing that I could say is strong about me... I'm a strong procrastinator. I guess I can't really say this is a new realization as it is something I have known for a while about myself, but I guess it's come into a new light. I've been doing this candida cleanse for the last week. I should say trying to do this cleanse, as I havn't been doing a real bang up job of it. You see, it's the same thing as when I try to diet. I decide I want to be healthier, or look better, or whatever is the new flavor of my month, and I decided to take the plunge. The first couple days are ok, I'm a little hungrier than usual and I miss my before bedtime snacks, but I tell myself it's for the greater good, and it's only for a little while and then I'll have accomplished what I've wanted to do and then I can enjoy food again and continue to work out, and it will all balance out. The facade of my mind.

Those first 2 days are the best days of me trying to be better. Then the weak side of my mind (which happens to be the stronger half..... I'm not sure what that makes the other half) starts piping up. Things like, "the cleanse will still work if you cut back a lot on the things that are bad, but a little bit every now and again wont hurt. You're still cutting back big time!", or " you're not that over weight, just eat a little healthier and work out and you'll get there in time". And so the cheating phase begins. I say phase because this is not the end of my plummet from good intentions. Far from it my friends. This will go on for a few days, kind of fooling myself into the idea that I'm still doing really good. I'm eating somewhat healthier and at least I'm working out. Then comes the next phase. The acceptance phase, or blow any willpower left in that other part of the brain (the weaker of the two) into utter obliteration. The phase where things come up instead up working out, I have to study, or it's been a long day, finally ending up with.. I just don't really want to go. The other side of the coin is the food. I enjoy food! I love it! I come to this realization that it's not worth it. It's not worth going without something that I enjoy so much. AND, there's so many variations of it! I mean, there's just a lot of good stuff out there people. And so I come to the acceptance that I'm just going to be overweight. I'm never going to have that flattish stomach. But that's the price I have to pay to enjoy the wonderful company of my beloved food. It's sad really. I know this. But apparently, Im addicted.

The other realization that stems from this one, is that of my true identity. The natural man. I mean... I don't know why its taken me this long to realize it. I mean I've read the scriptures enough for it to be blaring at me right in the face. I guess I should have looked in the bible dictionary earlier, cause there it is..... right beside the bold font of natural man.... my picture. So you may as well change every mention that you find of the natural man with my name. "the natrural man is a enemy to God"....... thats me apparently. So whenever somebody's talking about the natural man in church, you can say, "I know that guy. "

Anyway, I've also decided that I'm going to post something that I like from the web everytime I post also. So here ya go.